


I Have A Tendancy To Like The Wilder Ones

by nicotinewrites



Series: My Brother [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Ableist teachers, African American Morality | Patton Sanders, American Sign Language, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Virgil Sanders Has PTSD, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Gets a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Badly Described Fight Scene, Brotherly Bonding, Chaotic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Are Twins, Deaf Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders Has PTSD, Food, French American Deceit | Janus Sanders, Gen, Genderfluid Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Genderfluid Sleep | Remy Sanders, High School AU, Hurt/Comfort, Latino Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Latino Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Latino Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, M/M, Minor Dr. Emile Picani/Sleep | Remy Sanders, Nonbinary Dr. Emile Picani, Nonbinary Logic | Logan Sanders, Protective Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Protective Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Protective Deceit | Janus Sanders, Quoigender Dark Creativity| Remus Sanders, Trans Deceit | Janus Sanders, Trans Male Morality | Patton Sanders, again not that obvious, it'll be brought up in another installment, minor Kai/Lauren, not explicit though, sympathetic dark sides, that's all i seem to write tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:01:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24858832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicotinewrites/pseuds/nicotinewrites
Summary: Virgil Borrasca was eight years old when his dad walked out one day. But that's not this story.Janus Sanders-Fiable was eight years old when a house fire severely disfigured him and killed his maman. But that's not this story.No. This story is the tale of two boys who were forced to be family. It's a story of hope and misunderstandings. It's a story of love and hate (in the loosest version of the word).But most importantly, this is the story of how two very different people become fire-forged brothers.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dot (Cartoon Therapy), Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Larry (Cartoon Therapy), Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety| Virgil Sanders & Dark Creativity| Remus Sanders, Anxiety| Virgil Sanders & Deceit| Janus Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Deceit| Janus Sanders & Dot (Cartoon Therapy), Dot/Larry
Series: My Brother [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1798528
Comments: 40
Kudos: 127





	1. I Didn't Like It When I First Met You

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone!  
> Shout out again to Yaz for putting up with my rambling about this fic & for giving me some stellar ideas. You're the best :)  
> Trigger warnings:  
> Badly described fight scene, numerous badly described panic attacks, negative thoughts, food mention, t-word used as a slur and purposely using uncomfortably personal subjects as attacks on other characters.  
> Let me know if you guys think of any more trigger warnings :)  
> Happy reading,  
> Ash.  
> p.s: story title is inspired by Brother, by Shawn James. I recommend you listen to it because it's great.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our story begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> Shout out again to Yaz for putting up with my rambling about this fic & for giving me some stellar ideas. You're the best :)  
> Trigger warnings:  
> Badly described panic attacks;  
> Negative Thoughts.  
> Let me know if you guys think of any more trigger warnings :)  
> Happy reading,  
> Ash.  
> p.s: story and chapter title is inspired by Brother, by Shawn James. I recommend you listen to it because it's great.
> 
> (See the end of the work for more notes.)

Virgil Borrasca did not want a step-brother, thank you very much. Especially not one like Janus “Deceit” Sanders-Fiable. He was the ‘bad-boy’ at Gilroy High and had a reputation that preceded him. He was known for his heterochromatic eyes, the burn on the left side of his face that went from his cheek bone to his collarbone, finishing fights brutally (but never starting them), creating vindictive pranks on bullies and nasty teachers with Remus Archelaus (who he was rumoured to be dating), and being protective of his friends. Part of Virgil wondered if he would ever be considered by Janus as someone to protect but he quickly shoved that thought down. Janus Sanders-Fiable was bad news and Virgil refused to let him in.

Deep down, Virgil knew he was being harsh. It wasn’t Janus’s fault that his Pops and Virgil’s Mama were in love. It wasn’t Janus’s fault that it felt weird having a potential father figure in his life that wasn't his actual father. It wasn’t Janus’s fault that Virgil was intimidated by the idea of having a brother because what if Mama didn’t like him anymore? What if she preferred Janus to Virgil and put him up for adoption? He wasn’t exactly an easy case, with his anxiety and all the other baggage he had. Maybe that’s what Mama and Mr Sanders were planning to do, replace him with a more manageable child that was charming and suave and not skittish and intelligent and everything Virgil wasn’t and what if his dad was right and everyone hated him and no one loved him and what if-

“Hey nene. Can you name five things you can see for me?”

“Uh… You, J-Janus, Mr Sanders, my Sick Na-a-a… Nasty Tim Burton poster and… the floor.”

“That’s good darlin’. What about four things you can feel?”

“My… My… My bedspread, my leg, my hair and my hoo… my hoodie.”

“You’re doing well, Virgil. Three things you can hear?”

“My hearing-aids whistling… your voice and… breath… breathing.”

“Ok. We’re almost finished. Two things you can smell?”

“Um… Coffee? And Mr Sanders’ cologne.”

“That’s great nene. Now, one thing you can taste?”

“The strange taste in my mouth probably left over from those Thai noodle leftovers.”

Mama smiled the way she always did whenever she helped Virgil out of a panic attack: relieved but with a hint of sadness in her eyes.

“You feeling better champ? Gave us quite a scare there,” Mr Sanders said, crossing his arms over his chest. Instead of speaking, Virgil nodded. Panic attacks always tired him out, both physically and mentally, and sometimes the idea of speaking was too much. Today was one of those days. Realising this, Mama kissed Virgil on his head and ushered Mr Sanders out of the room. Virgil thought Janus was going to go too but instead he hung back, moving into Virgil’s room and picking up a book lying on the floor.

Janus sat on the lower part of Virgil’s bed, tucked his legs under him and began to read. The rustling of paper and Janus’s soft breathing was a lullaby to Virgil. He took his hearing-aids out and placed them on his bedside table. His mind quiet for once, Virgil let himself drift off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Tumblr is nicotinewrites17 and so is my Insta. If you want to send in a request for this series or just in general, you can use that. Or if you just want to rant. I'm alright with that too :)


	2. But Then You Grew On Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our favourite trash rat is properly introduced to the story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> So, trigger warnings for this work include:  
> Spiraling thoughts;  
> Ableist teacher;  
> Gross foods;  
> Remus being Remus.  
> Happy reading,  
> Ash x

After that day, Virgil and Janus became a little closer. They certainly weren’t friends, and definitely not brothers, but there was no doubt that some sort of bedrock for an eventual relationship like that had been established.

Every evening, at five on dot, Janus would come into Virgil’s room and read whilst Virgil either recovered from a panic attack, read as well or drew. They’d do this for an hour and then they’d go down to tea together, one always waiting for the other if they needed to. At tea, the two teenagers would pretend that their respective parents weren’t giving them knowing looks as they talked. Their conversations would be about anything, from Mr Sanders’ and Mama’s days at work and how school was to philosophy and the meaning of individuality in a society that longed for its citizens to be exactly the same. It was during the latter conversations that Virgil was thankful for being friends with Logan Croft (really, Logan was his only friend but that’s beside the point), since they were known for being one of the best debatists (is that even a word? It probably should be) in Gilroy High. Having had many, many lunchtimes with Lo enthusiastically talking to him about virtue ethics or how silly Berkeley was with his idealism theory, Virgil was able to hold his own in a debate. It made for a lot of fun evenings, especially when Mr Sanders and Mama joined in.

Despite this, even though the two teenagers were a little close at home, at school they were perfect strangers. Not to any fault of Janus’s- or Deceit, as he was known at school- but because of Virgil. He didn’t truly understand why he refused to have any contact with Janus but he did. Maybe he didn’t want Janus to pity him; maybe he didn’t want Lo to realise how much of a loser he was and join Janus and his friends; or maybe, he was afraid to let Janus and his friends in because that meant more people he would inevitably let down, just like he let do-

No. He wasn’t going down that path. He focused back onto Mrs Reynolds, lipreading the best he could. He knew he had to take notes, but it was kind of hard to do that whilst trying to understand what she was saying. He quickly glanced at his desk-partner’s work, Remus Archelaus in the flesh, and sighed when he saw how much work the chaotic trash-rat (as Janus fondly- Virgil hoped- called him) produced.

“… something …… Virgil?”

Hearing his name, Virgil’s eyes snapped up to Mrs Reynolds. She was standing there and giving him a you-better-not-be-cheating look- one he was used to due to people forgetting he was deaf.

“Sorry Miss,” he said, cheeks reddening as he felt every student’s eyes on him. “I didn’t hear what y… what you said. Could you repeat the question please?”

“I said, … something … matter?”

“Um… no?”

“No as in nothing’s wrong or ………… don’t understand … question?”

“First one.”

“………… cheating … Mr Archelaus? ……… boy Virgil. Start paying … attent…”

There it was. The classic accusation he was waiting for. When he was younger, he used to cry whenever his teachers assumed he wasn’t applying himself or was cheating. It used to hurt whenever a teacher twisted the truth on him, and made it seem like it was _his_ fault for being deaf. But now it just left him numb. He didn’t even try to argue anymore, knowing there was no point to it. It would only make things worse.

Remus, however, thought otherwise.

“You do realise he’s deaf right? You had your back turned to him and covered your mouth ……… gross hands when you asked him a question. He doesn’t have X-Ray vision. He can’t ……… bones and organs and flesh to be able to lipread. And by the way, he was paying attention. It’s just …… shitty ableist teacher … makes students with additional needs … like casu marzu tastes. Maybe _you_ should start paying attention.”

A weird feeling bloomed in Virgil’s stomach. No-one, other than Logan and his Mom, ever stood up for him. It wasn’t like he wasn’t ok with that, since he was usually capable of holding his own when it came down to it, but it kind of… no… it definitely felt nice… having someone who barely knew him choose to defend him. And seeing Mrs Reynolds at a loss for words was most certainly a bonus.

A tapping on his shoulder made Virgil look to Remus, who pointed down at his open notebook page. There, in true caricature fashion, was a drawing of Mrs Reynolds as a maggot, proclaiming that the world was a slice of casu marzu ready for her to infect. Virgil smirked and stifled down a laugh. He flipped open his own notebook (abandoning any hope of learning that lesson) and started his own drawing. Then, he gently nudged Remus and showed him his art-piece. It was another caricature of Mrs Reynolds, this time as a towering monster. Her jaw was wide open, showing two sharp fangs. Above her head was the message: _I eat students’ happiness and confidence for dessert._

Remus cackled loudly, snorting as he did so. Once again, Virgil felt eyes on him and he blushed a little, not used to the attention. Remus, on the other hand, seemed unperturbed (a word he learnt courtesy of Lo’s flashcards that they made for him). His cackles were infectious and Virgil felt a giggle bubbling up his throat. He could get used to this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Casu marzu is an actual cheese indigenous to Sardinia. I wouldn't recommend to google it if you're squeamish *shudders in gender-fluid disgust*


	3. I've Got A Funny Little Feeling That I Ain't Making It Home Tonight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil gets into a fight with three bigoted assholes. Luckily, Janus and his friends save the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> Trigger warnings for this chapter:  
> Badly described fight scene;  
> Bigoted a-holes  
> Kind of graphically described bruises;  
> Remus being Remus;  
> Food.  
> As always, happy reading!  
> Ash x

Virgil’s back hit the lockers with an audible thump, head smacking against the cold metal. His hearing-aids screeched on impact and he supressed a wince. His assaulters (Chad Pennybacker, Kenneth Stevens and Gabe Grant: A-Class assholes and stereotypical jock douches) shoved him further into the locker, the keyhole digging into his back.

“Not …… now are you? We’ve got …………to one. There’s no way you can bea-”

Virgil spat in Chad’s face, getting him right in the eye. Chad swore and went to punch him in the face, making Virgil duck down. The sudden movement made his head feel dizzy and his lunch tried to make a reappearance but he swallowed it down.

One of the assholes grabbed Virgil by the hair and lifted his head back up. The hand in his hair tightened and pulled until Virgil could feel clumps being ripped out. The pain made his eyes burn and it amplified as he got an elbow to the stomach and a knee to the chin. Virgil tried to fight back but the three boys held strong, refusing to let him escape. His arms were pinned to the lockers, his hearing-aids were no longer in his ears and he was winded. His entire face ached and his vision kept blurring. Despite that, he lifted his head and spat at Chad again, blood splattering his cheek. Chad’s grossed-out look had Virgil smirking. It was as Mama always said: If you can’t win the fight, at least piss them off the most you could. And let it be said that Virgil took those words to heart. Besides, as long as Lo didn’t have to deal with bigoted dickheads picking on them because they were masculine-presenting but wore “feminine” clothing, Virgil would happily accept the beating. They would do the same for him, after all.

A clearing of the throat had Virgil snap his attention to reality. There the notorious “bad-kids” (as Logan dubbed them, refusing to call them bad girls or bad boys because that was “prescribing to pre-established gender conformity Virge”) of Gilroy High stood. Lo was behind Roman Archelaus- Remus’s twin- fiddling with their skirt nervously. 

“Virgil,” Janus signed, “You don’t happen to harbour any fondness for those three assholes, do you?”

Virgil tried to shake his head but Chad quickly elbowed him in the stomach again, shutting him up.

“H… Hey Deceit,” Chad said, his voice trembling a little. “Listen, you can have him once we’re finished. We just need to teach him a lesson is all.”

“And what is ……?” Janus asked, an undercurrent of unknown emotion evident in his voice.

“He defended that ………. There’s no third gender or ……… wrong for Logan to pretend it is …………. That’s the truth.”

“How …… know it’s the truth? Please, enlighten us on this.”

It was then that Chad seemed to remember who he was talking to: a gaggle of non-binary, gender-fluid and quoigender people, all protected by Janus- the quoigender person (Remus) smirking like a wolf at Chad’s expression. Chad gulped nervously, hesitating for a while.

“Well?” Janus asked, obviously getting tired of the whole conversation. “We’re …… here.”

The bad-kids chuckled at that, all watching Remus as he gently tugged on his ears.

“I … do. Gender ……… the same thing. …………………………. Saying otherwise is …-”

“Right, I’ve had ………. Let Virgil … … … won't rain hell on your asses. Refuse to… well, you get the idea.”

As much as Virgil wanted to see the three jocks get their asses handed to them, he also didn’t want Janus and the others to get into trouble on his behalf. He went to say as much but Remus shot him a look, saying shut-your-mouth-or-you’ll-get-your-ass-beat-too. Virgil figured it was best to comply. His body hurt too much to get another beating, even if it was playful.

“Let …go?. ……. …………. Why……… anyways?”

Janus smirked and Remus started giggling (a cackle really).

“He’s ……, you…….”

Virgil had no clue what Remus said, but judging by Gabe and Kenneth finally letting go of Virgil’s shoulders, a fight was about to break out. He leaned against the locker and tried to keep himself from fainting, his head spinning and colours fading and reappearing. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment only for them to open when he felt a gentle poke to his ribs. At least, he assumed it was meant to be gentle. His ribs were bruised and the pain caused him to wince.

“Shit……” a person said, messenger bag slung over their shoulder and Starbucks drink in hand. The messenger bag, Starbucks cup and badge declaring: _she/her pronouns today bitches_ told Virgil exactly who the girl poking him was. Remy Gagnon, Logan’s cousin. And one of the toughest people the school.

“Virgil, can … focus…? … need to get ……. Do ……………?”

Virgil tried to lipread Remy accurately, he really did. But he was pretty sure she said something about pizzas and Virgil’s stomach grumbled. A greasy slice of carbohydrate sounded amazing right about now.

“Em, … can’t …… He keeps… about pizzas.”

Emile Picani stood next to Remy and smiled at Virgil. The two of them were kind-of friends after Virgil sat next to him in Psychology.

“Hey Virge,” he signed, not as quite as fluently at Janus but still (unexpectedly) well. “Remy and I were wondering where your hearing-aids are. We need to get out of here before Janus and Remus lose their cool.”

Virgil blinked twice before pointing to the floor. He then proceeded to bend down, wanting to pick them up himself, before careening sideways into Remy’s arms. Instead of shoving him away, like Virgil expected, she simply held him tight. Emile smiled at the two of them and quickly picked up the hearing-aids, dodging the flailing limbs around him as Janus and his friends took down the three bigots.

“Let’s get out of… h-e-r-e, yeah?”

“What about the others? What about Lo?” Virgil found himself asking, his fingers moving before he could process it.

“They can handle themselves, and they’ll protect Lo. Besides, it seems they’re having as much fun as Remus,” Emile pointed out, directing Virgil’s attention to Lo. They kicked and punched at the three jocks, a small but genuine smile appearing on their face. That smile was all Virgil needed to nod, allowing Remy and Emile to take him home. He could be Lo’s protector another day.

**--**

After Remy drove him home, Virgil stumbled into the house. He waved goodbye to Emile and Remy, both sitting in Remy’s beat-up truck, before heading inside. He tried to sneak upstairs before either Mr Sanders or Mama saw him but it didn’t work.

“Virgilius Antonio Borrasca, you better get your culo to the kitchen right now or so help … God. Did you really … I wouldn’t find out about the fight? Lo called.”

Virgil sighed, cursing Lo. He trudged to the kitchen and sat down, sitting on the counter. Both Mr Sanders and Mama were there, Mama passing him cold compresses and an anti bac wipe. He took both gratefully and pressed the cold compresses to the worst of his injuries.

“………, did Janus do this to …?”

Virgil looked up at that, shocked at Mr Sanders’ question.

“Uh… no?” He said, intending it to be a statement but his nerves raising his voice. Clearing his throat, Virgil continued. “I mean, no. Why would you ask th-that? Janus protected me. It was Chad and his friends again. You know what they’re like, Mama. Had to stop them from hurting Lo. They don’t d-deserve it.”

“Neither do … Virge,” another voice spoke up. Virgil’s eyes moved to the corridor where Janus stood, Remus behind him. “You … the word … we’ll put … fuckers down.”

“Language,” Mama chided, although she had a slight smile on her face at the thought of Chad and his friends getting knocked off their pedestals.

“Español,” Virgil replied, smirking at his Mama’s faux-exasperated huff.

“Alright, smartypants. Enough ... that. You three obviously have a lot to talk about so we’ll leave … to it. Pizza ... on its way and there’s ... painkillers in the cabinet for you, Virge.”

“Gracias mama.”

“De nada nene.”

Mama and Mr Sanders left the room. The lighthearted atmosphere left with them, replaced by a tension that was almost palpable. Virgil absentmindedly picked at his nails, only to stop when Janus flicked his fingers. Remus and Janus sat down next to Virgil, Remus on his left side and Janus on his right. Virgil shuffled back a little so he was able to see both of them at the same time and Janus took that as a cue to start speaking.

“How long … they treated … like that?”

“Since the start of middle school. When Lo came out. Found out Chad had been picking on them. Lost my shit. Got a weeks’ worth of detention and a warning, but it was worth it.”

“… start of middle school? He’s been picking………that long?” Remus asked, looking like somebody told him he wasn’t allowed to bleach part of his hair anymore. Now that Virgil thought about it, Janus looked uncharacteristically put-out too.

“…yeah? Why do you two look like somebody sent you Trump’s nudes?”

Not even that comment got a reaction out of the two boys.

“Ok, now you’re scaring me. What’s… What’s… Wh-…” Virgil breathed in deeply, knowing he was panicking a little. He held the breath and then let it out, repeating the exercise until he felt a little calmer. “What’s go- going… on?”

“Chad … been bullying …and Lo for years, and we never noticed. He’s been bullying you for years…… never once told us.”

“Why would I? In case you’ve forgotten, Janus, we’ve not exactly been the closest these past few years. I've only recently stopped calling you Dee, for one. I wasn't going to bring you into something I can handle myself. Also, it’d be weird if I suddenly appeared one day, asking for help with some bullies. That’s not how the world works.”

“Maybe not, but it’s … Gilroy works. If someone is being homophobic to you, you come to us. If ……… racist to you, you come to …. If somebody is being transphobic…, you come to us. If somebody is being ableist, … a teacher, you come to us. You … the system. It’s there for people like you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? You implying I can’t handle myself? Because I can.”

“Oh really?” Janus asked, voice soft but with an undertone of danger. “If that’s the case, then ……… so bruised? If that’s … case, … why did you not put a stop … it …… first place? If that’s the case …… did your father leave you? Face it, Virgil. You can’t handle yourself.”

Virgil snarled at Janus and was about to launch himself at him only for Remus to gently hold him back.

“… not saying you’re weak, Virgey. No one thinks … weak. Going through what you’ve gone through, it snaps most people like a stick. But not …. That’s proof … strong. We just want to …… protect …. You don’t…… to fight your battles……, but a little ……… nice.”

“I don’t need any help,” Virgil repeated, his voice coming out in a whine and tears pricking his eyes. “I don’t need any help, I’m worthless. I don’t need any help, I’m worthless. I don’t need any help, I-”

“Shut … mouth … I’ll tear out your spinal chord and gag you with it.”

Virgil stopped speaking, rocking backwards and forwards and picking at his nails again. Once more, Janus flicked his fingers.

“Hey Virge,” he said, his voice kind. “Can … give you a hug?”

Virgil nodded almost immediately and the other two boys gently wrapped their arms around him. Remus gently carded his hand through Virgil and Virgil leaned into the touch, letting out a contended sigh. Janus gently hummed in Virgil’s right ear, hearing-aid free as there was only so long he could wear his hearing-aids without wanting to rip his ears out, and Virgil melted. His breathing was still shaky but it was stabilising, the grounding warmth of Janus and Remus breaking his mantra of negative thoughts and helping to bring him into reality.

It must have been a good few minutes of silence, nobody willing to break what semblance of peace they created. Then Janus spoke up again.

“I’m sorry … bringing your father into the argument. It was a horrible … to do, even for me.”

Virgil nodded.

“I accept your apology. Just don’t do it again or I’ll have to beat your ass down.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

Remus rolled his eyes at the two and opened his mouth to say something before the doorbell rang.

“PIZZA, ..., ..., ..., PIZZA!” Remus chanted, Naruto running to the door.

Janus shook his head at him and muttered, “I’m dating … idiot.”

Well, at least he was self-aware enough to admit it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First things first, I've got this segment written all ready. When this is finished, do you want me to continue the series? If so, comment some prompts you want to see. Or, add me on Insta. My name is @nicotinewrites and dm me prompts  
> Also, here's a fun fact. If you lipread "pizza" and "hearing-aids" they look similar. That's what inspired this chapter.


	4. Just Because We Fall, It Don't Mean We've Lost It All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Movie night + detention. What could go wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> Trigger warnings:  
> small panic attack;  
> referenced horror movies;  
> Drug and food mention;  
> cut off sexual thoughts (Lo is looking hot. Virge likes it).  
> Happy reading!  
> Ash x

It was Saturday, three days after the fight at school, and Virgil was sitting on his bed, Janus and Remus next to him. Lo was meant to be coming, but had to babysit their little brother- Thomas- since their parents were summoned to work unexpectedly. Janus and Remus were supposed to be at a party Roman was throwing, but neither of them wanted to leave Virgil’s side since his injuries (mainly his ribs) were causing him a lot more pain than usual. Virgil, naturally, argued which caused Janus to smack him with a pillow.

The three boys were having a horror and thriller movie marathon: It, Rosemary’s Baby, Hush, A Quiet Place, the Blair Witch Project and The Quiet being what they were going to watch today. All was going well, the three laughing Remus trying to recreate the Pennywise dance, but then Hush started playing. Virgil had no idea what it was about, being recommended it by Remy, so imagine his surprise when he realised the main character was deaf. The deaf pride Virgil felt was quickly quelled by the rising panic he felt as the main character was unaware of the masked murderer outside her door, mind racing as one of his biggest fears was acted out on screen.

Janus felt Virgil shaking next to him and quickly turned the TV off. This caused Remus to whine, only for him to realise what was happening. Virgil nodded his thanks to Janus and turned the TV back on again, abandoning Hush and loading up A Quiet Place. However, instead of starting it up, Virgil turned to the other boys and started speaking.

“You know you guys can go to the party still. It’s only nine. I’m happy to watch the rest on my own.”

“No.”

“Jan-”

“Nope. Absolutely not. … said we’d spend today … tomorrow watching …… binge-eating until we can’t move. That’s it. No partying, no fighting, no drugs. End of …. Now shut up … let us watch …… film.”

Even though Janus’s words were harsh, there was a soft smile on his face as he spoke. He lent in to Virgil, gently nudging him to the side, and Virgil lent back, doing the same.

“You two are so … and brotherly that it’s giving …... headache. Can we just get back to A Quiet Place …? ……… is gore ……. Then you can continue your schmoopy brotherness afterwards.”

Janus and Virgil rolled their eyes at Remus’s remarks, both knowing full well that he could be just as bad with Roman, and Virgil pressed play, settling back into his original position. It was nice to have people around who shared his interest in films. Not that Lo wasn’t great, because they were, but sometimes all Virgil wanted to watch was a film with mindless gore or something that scared him shitless. It allowed him to control his anxiety, to choose when he wanted to be terrified. The restless nights and occasional nightmares (watching The Omen at midnight definitely wasn’t a good idea) were worth the somewhat calm mind he got.

It was weird, but hey. Virgil never pretended to be normal.

**--**

The weekend flew by and Monday was upon Virgil. He was dreading his detention, avoiding suspension as Mama phoned in and told the Principal exactly what happened. She was obviously angry at the thought of Virgil and the others having to do any detention, but Virgil was alright with it. Meant he didn’t have to suffer a triple with Mrs Reynolds, which was the worst punishment anyone could think of as far as he was concerned.

Virgil made his way into school, a hand wrapped around his ribs and trying to hide his wince as he walked down the corridors leading to the detention room. Hood over his face, the hoodie itself being his old black one since Remus got Sunny-D all over his purple one, Virgil kept his head focused on his feet. He didn’t have any desire to meet the stares which were burning into his back or listen to the rumours which were undoubtedly being shared about him. All he wanted to do was go to detention, sit there for ninety minutes and then get his mama to pick him up. That was it. No interaction with anybody he didn’t either have to talk to or like. That’s all he wanted.

Virgil got to the classroom without any issue and made his way inside. He expected to be alone, the others getting afterschool detention and clean-up duty for three days, but instead saw the people he last expected, sitting with others he kind of knew would somehow turn up.

Patton Hart and Emile sat at their desks, Remy playing with Emile’s hair and Roman sitting on Patton’s lap. Remus and Janus were being all lovey-dovey, Janus’s forehead pressed against Remus’s. Elliot Pennybacker (Chad’s little sibling and absolute antithesis to him) and Kai Berkeley were arguing over something or other- Virgil having no clue what that something was- Sloane and Corbin laughing at them both. But the biggest shock of all was Lo, sitting in a black dungaree skirt and navy crop top. They never, not in the fifteen years that Virgil knew them, got anything more than a stern look from a teacher. And here they were, in detention? It seemed very suspicious to Virgil.

“What are you doing here Lo?”

The enby smirked in response to Virgil’s question, standing up and tangling their fingers with his.

“I’m here for detention, of course. What else would I be here for?”

“Quit the bullshit Lo. I know for a fact that you hate the idea of getting into trouble. What did you do to get one anyway?”

Lo smirked again, sitting down and pulling Virgil to sit next to them. They were still holding hands and Virgil blushed lightly, Janus giving him a knowing look.

“I may have gotten into … verbal disagreement … Chad Pennybacker over various issues.”

“They fucking roasted his ass, Virgey!” Remus butted in, manic grin etched on his face. “Oh man. It was beautiful. ……, right, … decked ……… already beaten up face.”

Virgil gulped at the idea of Lo going feral on a bully’s ass, the thought making his ears go red and stomach stir a little. He was about to retort, what he was going to say was something he didn’t know, but was cut off by Mr Aldridge (the detention supervisor) walking in. He took one look at the group of people in front of him and sighed despairingly, pinching the top of his nose.

“Mr Borrasca, please stop ……… Mx Croft. Ms Archelaus, please get off… Mr Hart’s lap. Mx Archelaus, …… trying to hump Mr Sanders-Fiable. Mr Gagnon, stop …… Mx Picani’s hair. This is a school, not …….”

After that, Mr Aldridge got out a whiteboard pen and wrote on the movable whiteboard. He turned around and sighed again at Virgil’s and Lo’s still tangled fingers.

“What did ……? Stop ……, Mr Borrasca, ……………”

Virgil blinked twice, trying to put together what Mr Aldridge was saying. He resisted the urge to fiddle with his hearing-aids because for one he knew it would work, and he also didn’t want to let Lo’s hand go.

“Mr Aldridge, I … you’re forgetting that Virgil … deaf. You turned away when he was speaking and proceeded to cover your mouth … your hand. How could …… you? After all, hearing-aids aren’t a complete cure for deafness. They’re not like glasses.”

Mr Aldridge sighed once more.

“Fine. …… if you want. I …….”

The rest of detention passed by swimmingly, Mr Aldridge excusing himself ten minutes in. Once he left, Remy passed Janus a $20 dollar bill, grumbling to themself. Janus laughed a little and Remy rolled their eyes, muttering about injustices and how a fellow French person should have mercy.

Lo stroking their thumb against Virgil’s knuckles had him snap his attention to the enby. Their beautiful porcelain white skin looked so pretty juxtaposed with Virgil’s darker colour. The butterflies in Virgil’s stomach grew stronger as Virgil’s mind drifted off, planning how he could mark every inch of their skin with bruises, trailing his tongue all the way down-

Nope. Not thinking about that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right, it gets a little dark next chapter. Just warning you ahead of time. I put our lovely emo through a lot of shit. Whoops :)


	5. Leave The Past Behind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit gets real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> This one is a rough ride here. Trigger warnings for suicidal thoughts, negative thinking and a badly executed plot twist.  
> Happy reading,  
> Ash x

"You like Logan Croft," Janus said, breaking the peaceful silence that the two boys created in Virgil's room. It was five pm and the boys were doing their usual routine, only this time Janus decided to relentlessly tease Virgil about the obvious crush on Logan. 

"Wh-wh-what? N...no. Why would you say that?" Virgil's voice raised in pitch, indicative of him telling a lie. Janus raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow and Virgil sighed. 

"Ok fine. I like them. I have a massive crush on them. Have done since eighth grade prom and they wore that dress. But it won't come to anything because they like Roman and Patton. And I can see why. They're both really cute, and maybe I'm a little attracted to them too. It'll never work out between us two because we'll be longing after Roman and Patton and that's not good a-"

"I'm going to stop you there Virge. ... held your hands in detention for ... full ninety minutes ...... detention so they could ......... you. And then way they look at .... To quote one awesome tv show, that's love bitch."

"You don't understand and how could you? You and Re have been in a monogamous relationship for two years and it's basically perfect. Neither of you like anyone else and you're so cute together it's sometimes disgusting. Lo and I though... liking Patton and Roman could break our relationship before it starts. And even if it doesn't, why would Lo like me? Why would anyone like me? I mean, I'm just an ugly, deaf, once-suicidal anxious depressed emo. Lo is stunning, kind, smart and sassy. They're perfect and deserve to be with other perfect people, like Patton and Roman. Not with me."

There was a tense silence. Then Janus asked, "you used to be suicidal? Is that why ... always wear ......die? Does Dot know?"

Virgil blanched at the sudden change in conversation, the atmosphere becoming tense and sombre. He was going to change the subject but the way Janus was looking at him made him think otherwise. 

"Yes to all three. I uh... The first time was in eight grade after Rae- well... You know about that one already, right?"

Janus nodded, trying hard not to remember Virgil's lifeless body in the bathtub. He was the one who found him, after all.

"Right. The second time... Can you remember when the police and an ambulance came to Gilroy back in ninth grade? I climbed to the roof and someone snitched. A cop caught me before I jumped. That was my second attempt. I had three. The third was three weeks after the second."

Janus looked pale, his hands shaking and eyes wet.

"I had no idea. You... You could've died and I wouldn't have known until it was too late. I... I need to go."

Janus stood up and walked out of Virgil's room, leaving the latter to stare in disbelief. 

**--**

Janus's unexplained absence from the past week's five pm hang-outs had Virgil's mental state plummeting. Janus rarely talked to him anymore, only exchanging polite words and the occasional question about school. He walked Virgil to school but that was it. No ruffling of hair, no fond eyerolls as Virgil flipped him off. No funny lunches with him and his friends. 

See, that was the thing. The shift in dynamic wasn't only with Janus, which was why Virgil's mental health took such a hit. Remus still talked to him like before, but their conversations featured nothing that was Remus's brand of creativity. Patton started talking to him more, texting him random dog videos and quokka photos. Roman spent more time with him as well, letting him know that Virgil always had a shoulder to cry on in him. However, Remy and Emile he saw less of, both making flyaway excuses as they ran off after Janus. Sloane, Kai, Corbin and Elliot were kind of normal, Elliot offering Virgil a sympathetic smile as they walked off with their friends, but the minute Virgil asked about Janus or even Remus, the conversation was quickly shut down. Even Larry changed his attitude towards Virgil, insisting on being called Larry, giving him loads of space and engaging him in discussions about society. 

The only people who didn't change were Mama and Logan. They were both as normal as always, Mama letting him rant about Janus and co as they made hot cocoa together. He knew that neither of them wanted to lose him the way they almost lost him before, but that didn't make his mental state better. 

That's why he started locking himself away, only letting his Mama and Lo talk to him. No one else could find him to talk with, not even Remus. Even Lo found it hard to find Virgil at lunch, the boy hiding in more obscure places every time. He wouldn't eat much either, losing loads of weight and effectively starving himself. 

It was just like eight and ninth grade all over again, only this time he knew no one would want to save him. 

Why would they? He didn't want to save himself. Sometimes, all he wanted to do was float in the black abyss that was Death. 

Sometimes, all he wanted to do was join his sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quokkas are adorable. Look them up if you need some cuteness in your life. As for the rest of the chapter...  
> *hides*


	6. Give Me Love Over Hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus finally gets a point of view chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,  
> Trigger warnings for this chapter:  
> Mention of the word suicidal;  
> Implied past self harm/suicidal thoughts;  
> Janus being a bit of an idiot;  
> Remus being Remus.  
> Happy reading,  
> Ash x

Janus may have made a mistake. He would never admit it out loud unless he was forced to, but he truly cared for Virge. That’s why he freaked out when he found out Virgil was suicidal. Hearing him talk about his attempts… it broke something inside of Janus. He wanted nothing more than to run away, remembering the times he was like Virgil. So he did just that.

And then he asked people to keep an eye on him. He didn’t tell them what Virgil told him- he’d take that secret to the grave if he had to- but said that he was in a bad place and Janus said some things that hurt Virgil massively. Everyone, even his Pops, bought it.

At least, everyone except from Remus. He was a lot smarter than most gave him credit for, his brain being able to fill in puzzles much quicker than anyone else. And the whole Janus-Virgil issue was apparently a puzzle.

It was the first day of June and a Saturday, ten days after Janus left Virgil’s room, and the chaotic couple were in Remus’s bedroom, Remus painting Janus’s nails. For some strange reason, Roman was there too. The twins didn’t always get on very well, Remus being the Sadie to Roman’s Carter, but when they had a mutual goal they were a great team. Janus thought that the goal was to have a relaxing self-care day, Roman working themself (the pronoun necklace being yellow and purple) too hard over the new play that was being staged at school. And part of it was a selfcare day.

The other part was an interrogation.

“So Jan, you and Virgey haven’t talked for ages. Is everything ok?”

Janus balked at Remus’s question but quickly schooled his expression into something neutral.

“Oh, everything is peachy. Perfect, perfect.”

Janus’s trademark sarcasm bled through his speech, causing the twins to exchange a look.

“Well that’s not worrying at all,” Roman stated, trying to act nonchalant.

“Look… Virgil is complicated. So am I. Sometimes, things happen and you have to take a step back. You have to give yourself some room to breathe.”

Another look was exchanged and Roman nodded, getting up and walking out of the room. Remus just watched Janus, dark green eyes scanning him relentlessly.

“He’s cut himself off from the group, Jan. He’s not allowing me to come around for movie nights, he barely texts Patton or Roman and even Logie can’t always get through to him. It’s bad. Whatever you did to him, whatever you said, you need to get your dick out of your ass, grow some balls and talk to him. Otherwise, I don’t think he’ll be around much longer.”

Janus’s heart clenched.

“What do you mean?”

“I saw his arm yesterday. The sleeve rolled up for a second, you know how he plays with it when he’s nervous, and I swear I saw fresh scars and burns. We have to save him from himself before it’s too late. The entire squad agrees. I’ve even got Dottie and your DILF involved.”

“Don’t call Pops a DILF. We’ve talked about this.” Janus hesitiated for second, picking at his black jeans. Then, “what’s the plan?”

**--**

The plan was simple: Make Virgil feel less alone.

It started off in small ways. Remus started talking to Virgil like he used to, but always sidestepping subjects that could potentially trigger the emo. They had movie nights at Remus’s and sometimes Roman and Patton joined in. That always caused a flutter in Virgil’s stomach, especially when Patton started absentmindedly playing with Virgil’s hair. Remus would just give Virgil a knowing smirk and he would blush a little, rolling his eyes.

Remy and Emile started spending more time with him, Emile apologising profusely and explaining that the reason they were avoiding him was because they wanted to make sure Janus was ok too. It wasn’t his fault. Remy’s way of apologising was by making Virgil go to Starbucks with her/him/them and taking him on various shopping trips. He got loads of skirts and dresses, the stereotypically feminine clothes making him feel confident.

Along with highjacking movie nights, Roman and Patton started meeting up with him alone. Logan went with them occasionally, and those times were the best. Usually, Roman would lead them up to this clearing in the middle of the town’s forest and Logan would start naming all the stars in the sky, giving loads of information about each one. They often tucked themself in between Virgil’s legs, Roman behind him and Patton to his right. Roman would run her/his/their hand down his neck, massaging gently, and Patton would card his fingers through Virgil’s hair.

Kai, Elliot, Sloane and Corbin were great too. Kai invited him around to his house and they had videogame marathons, only stopping when Kai’s girlfriend came around with food. Elliot, a grade below the others, hung out with Virgil at either the library or the forest, both just enjoying each other’s quiet company. Sometimes they’d rant to him about their brother, telling him stories that made his blood boil. And if he told Remus and Remus exacted revenge on Chad, well. No-one would blame him if they knew what Elliot told him. Sloane and Corbin took him on road trips, showing him towns he never knew existed. They drove past Janus’s old house on the way back and before he could stop himself, Virgil texted him.

Phase two was in action

**--**

Phase two was- in theory- a lot more complicated than phase one. Phase two was get Virgil talking about his feelings to someone, preferably Remus, Dot or Pops. The chaotic couple were expecting it to be a lot harder than it was however, Virgil breaching the subject without encouragement.

Dot wouldn’t tell Janus what was said but she patted his cheek, her way of saying thank you.

Then it was on to phase three. That was the one Janus knew could go very wrong very easily.

First, Dot and Pops left the house, not saying that Janus and Remus were still there. They’d let Virgil be by himself for an hour or so, Janus loitering by the door in case Virgil tried to hurt himself, and then they’d launch the second part.

It was time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is the last guys. Eek.


	7. My Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A beautiful end to the beginning of a beautiful brotherly bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> Trigger warnings:  
> Self harming (he doesn't do it, but scars are talked about);  
> Negative thoughts;  
> Remus being Remus.  
> Happy reading everyone :)

Virgil was sitting in his room chilling, reading a book and listening to MCR in the background. At least, he was trying to read but his mind kept wandering. It was a mix of thoughts, most negative and some positive, but it kept going back to Janus and Remus. Not in a creepy way- he wouldn’t admit it but was beginning to see Janus as a brother and Remus as a close friend- but in a “they hate you” way. It made Virgil really sad but he believed the voices. Why else would Janus run when Virgil showed him how messed up he really was? Why else would Remus not quite meet Virgil’s eyes at times, when he asked if they could meet up more often but Remus declined. They hated him and it was all his fault.

“… your tears now, Virge. No point … crying.”

Virgil’s eyes shot up as he saw Janus crouched in front of him, Remus taking his place on Virgil’s bed. He put his head on Virgil’s shoulder and carded his hand through Virgil’s hair. Once again, Virgil melted into Remus’s touch, letting out a contended noise.

“You’re a little kitten,” Remus pointed out, bopping Virgil’s nose. Virgil shook his head in protest but Remus just petted his hair with more gusto, causing Virgil to let out another contented noise which proved Remus’s point entirely.

“You’re practically purring Virge. Face ...... that you’re a kitten.”

Virgil hissed at Janus, Janus hissing back in response. Janus’s hiss was more snakelike, teeth appearing like sharp fangs. Virgil blinked twice, never being hissed at before.

“Yeah, don’t … at J-anus. He’s the best out of … all. Kind of wish he was snakelike somewhere else, if … know what I mean.”

Remus wiggled his eyebrows and Virgil groaned in disgust.

“Cursed image. Ew.”

Janus rolled his eyes at Remus’s insinuation and moved to sit on Virgil’s right side, Virgil shuffling back a little so he could see both boys. Remus whined at that, his headrest being dislodged.

“As much as I would love to talk about Virgil’s status as a cat in much more detail, there’s a reason … here Remus. Remember the plan?”

Remus nodded, whole demeanour suddenly becoming serious. He turned to face Virgil, muttered “sorry ……vance” and rolled his sleeves up. Virgil went to pull his arms back but Remus held on tight.

“I’m sorry, Virge. We’re both … sorry,” Janus said, voice wobbling

“It’s not your fault. How is it your fault? I’m the one who did this to myself so it’s my fault. I’m a waste of space and a weakling. I shouldn’t be h-”

Remus tackled Virgil into a hug, pulling him onto the floor. He laid on Virgil completely, pushing him to the ground. The pressure helped relax Virgil and he went boneless. Remus carded his hand through Virgil’s hair and smirked when Virgil almost purred. Janus knelt down by Virgil’s right arm and gently traced each scar and burn with his ungloved fingers.

“You are worth living, Virge. I’m sorry I ... away. I just ... know how to help you. You’re ...... demons ...I just want to set you free. I swear, I will save you from yourself ......... last thing I do.”

“Why?”

“That’s .... You’re my brother.”

Virgil Borrasca didn’t want a brother, at least not to begin with. But sometimes, what you don’t want is exactly what you need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're at the end of the beginning, my friends! I have a few ideas for this fic so fear not, but as always, my insta for writing is @nicotinewrites. If you want to submit a few prompts or ideas, please let me know.  
> Thank you for reading, and a special thank you for those leaving kudos and comments. Every time I get a comment I melt into a puddle of happiness.  
> See you next time,  
> Ash x

**Author's Note:**

> I'm deaf myself. If you have any questions about Virgil's deafness, deafness in general or advice on how to write deaf characters, please let me know.


End file.
